It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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