You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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