As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
