i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
