oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
