He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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