you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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