After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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