Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
