Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize