i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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