He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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