her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
