I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
