the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
third nipple confirmed
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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