i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
