I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I want her autograph on my taint
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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