Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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