No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
dude i'm inner monologue high
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
