You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
