Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize