do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
