how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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