I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
