My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
