carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
