the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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