a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
