Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
