Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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