The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
