We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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