I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize