i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
