who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
