turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
