If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
