I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Randomize
