This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Randomize
