I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize