i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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