Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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