someone threw a dead crab at me
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
