She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
