I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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