from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
