I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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