This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
