The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
They have beer where we have blood.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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