man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
