this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
