I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
