That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
