please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
