i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I need to calm my uterus...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Damn victory sex feels great
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize