The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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