the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
And then my night got REAL pukey
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
