I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
