I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
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