it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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