K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
