i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i think we sleep fucked last night...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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