It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
