Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize