the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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