just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
