So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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