Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
