If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
