How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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