you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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