somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
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