Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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