I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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