i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
