You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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