I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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