That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
