I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
