K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
