Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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