I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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