he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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