watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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