You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
