oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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