hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
