they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
