May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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