I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
