i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
